Thinking About Coming, But Feeling Nervous?
If you've been curious about spanking and/or attending a spanking party for awhile, but feel nervous, intimidated, or unsure what to expect, you're definitely not alone! In fact, we've heard from lots of people before who spent months thinking about coming, sometimes even making plans only to get cold feet at the last minute.But here's something we hear again and again from people who finally take the plunge:
The experience turns out to be far less intimidating, and a whole lot more welcoming and fun, than they'd imagined! They discover a friendly, chill group of people who share their interests, enjoy making some connections, and some even try out play the first time and have a great experience. Most leave wondering why they waited so long, and eagerly looking forward to coming back!We know that walking into a new environment, especially one involving interests or fantasies you may never have explored openly before, can take some courage. That's why making newcomers feel welcome and comfortable is one of our top priorities at BAMMS.
Also many share that coming to a relaxed social event with those who share the same interest, but having no obligations or expectations to participate if they're not ready yet, is actually an easier starting point for beginners than meeting someone one on one where their is evitably a lot more of a spotlight on them and also potential pressure to engage in play.Whether you're completely new to spanking, have only explored it privately, or have plenty of experience but are new to our parties, there's no expectation that you have to jump into anything.You never have to participate in play, and you're always free to take things at your own pace.You're welcome to simply observe, get a feel for the atmosphere, or spend the entire party in our social areas, enjoying the plentiful food, chatting with fellow spanking enthusiasts, and making new connections. For many people, the social side of BAMMS is just as enjoyable as the play itself, and we have people who regularly attend who never play or sometimes even go in the play spaces. And if you do decide you'd like to explore, you can do so on your own terms, with people whose interests and boundaries are compatible with yours. Consent, mutual respect, and clear communication are central to our events, and you're always free to say no, change your mind, or take a break, and we have staff at the events to support you. We make a special effort to help first-time attendees feel at ease, and you don't have to navigate the experience on your own.Our Newbie Ambassadors are there specifically to welcome newcomers, answer questions, help you get oriented, and make introductions if you'd like. They're a friendly resource whether you're feeling shy, curious, excited, or a little unsure. Either the host Damien or a Newbie Ambasador can give you a tour, explain how things work, introduce you to other attendees, and, if you're interested in playing, try to connect you with people who would be your type and share your particular interests.And you don't even have to wait until the party to ask questions! We're happy to hear from you beforehand, whether you're wondering what to expect, how to prepare, what to wear, or anything else that might help you feel more comfortable about attending.Just email us at events@sfbamms.org. No question is too basic. Optional Wristbands: Connect on Your Terms
We recognize that newcomers have different comfort levels when it comes to meeting people. Some would love others to approach and introduce themselves so they can get connected quickly, while others would prefer a little breathing room as they settle in.To make things easier, we offer two optional wristbands:🔴 RED WRISTBAND — Let Me Make the First MoveFor anyone who's shy, nervous, or simply prefers not to be approached. A red wristband lets others know you'd rather initiate interactions yourself, giving you greater control over when and with whom you'd like to engage.🟢 GREEN WRISTBAND — Come Say Hello!For anyone who'd welcome introductions and would like an easier time meeting people. A green wristband signals that you're happy for others to approach, say hello, and help you get acquainted with the BAMMS community.Both wristbands are completely optional, and you can change your preference during the party. They're simply a way to communicate your social comfort level, not an indication of consent to any physical contact or play. As always, consent and respect for personal boundaries come first, and ensuring that is a big priority at our events. You don't need to know anyone, have any previous experience, or arrive with a particular plan. Whether you're ready to explore a long-held fantasy or just want to spend an evening among people who understand your interests, you're welcome to come and see what BAMMS is all about.We can't promise that every interaction will be perfect or that you'll find exactly the connections you're looking for on your first visit. But we can promise that we genuinely care about making BAMMS a friendly, respectful, and welcoming environment, and our staff will do our best to help you feel comfortable and included.So if you've been thinking about coming but haven't quite made it through the door yet, we hope you'll give us a try. You may just find yourself wondering why you waited so long! PRE-PLAY SAMPLE QUESTIONS
We strongly encourage everyone to discuss their limits, preferences and desires clearly with any potential play partner before playing. Particularly if you a newer to spanking play, here are some possible sample questions you might consider:- What is your level of experience with this type of play?- What kind of spanking are you looking for (ex: dom/sub, roleplay, real discipline, etc) and within those, what are you ideally looking for?- What are limits/boundaries that you don’t want crossed?- Are there places you’d like to be touched, or not touched? Do you want any sexual aspects?- Are there safewords or signals you’d like to use beyond just the House Safe Word ‘Red Light’? (ex: ‘Yellow Light’ could mean to pause or back off, but not to stop entirely, as 'Red Light' requires)- What is your desired level of dress (bare vs. clothed)?- Are you okay with possibly leaving marks/bruises, and where?- What is your pain tolerance like generally?- What would you like to be called? (ex: name/boy/daddy/sir)- Are there positions and/or implements you like, or dislike?- How do you want to feel? How will your play partner know if you’re having a good time?- Do you want aftercare when the spanking is over?